FACTS 'N FLESH
a sort of column

ritten to pay the rent, actually. 

An unbelievable amount of familarity breeds a tremendous amount of contempt.

Aphorisms to Go by Mr. Hart Williams

Notes: I used to write the news column for Adult Cinema Review -- or, as we called it, ACR. I wrote this when there really wasn't much happening. It was meant as a generic column, but it's also a good representation of exactly what was happning at the time. This was written on my old Sanyo PC "80% IBM Compatible" (which meant that programs would either work or not.) in Wordstar 2.2, which some of you older hackers might remember. There are other columns, but this is representative. Let's see, who was I? Oh yeah. I THINK I was "Lenny Wilde" which nom de plume I inherited with the column. When I ceased writing it, I gave the pseudonym back.

Besides, you wouldn't recognize any of the names anyway, so this is MUCH more instructive. And, of course, they actually RAN it! (I was getting a little nuts at the time. A LITTLE nuts??! A LITTLE?!!!? Well, actually, a LOT.)

from Adult Cinema Review, Issue #? 

 � 1986 Hart Williams

Facts 'N Flesh
The Generic Column

Face it, guys. Most of the news doesn't change. In fact, the AFAA [Adult Film Association of America] resolved this month to a one-month moratorium on news of any kind, to stop an industry-wide fog that has publicity people wandering around, glassy-eyed and dazed, wondering which company they're working for, what film they're pushing, and where their tickets to CES* (*the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, the annual meeting place of the Industry, such as it is - Ed.) are.

We are forced, therefore, to present Any Month's news.

(And let's hope that this thing blows over. One more disease is ALL we need!)

PLATINUM PRINCESS PRODUCES PIX

Seka has returned!

According to Jane Does of Company A, Seka has signed a deal to make a big-budget flick in conjunction with Seka's Platinum Productions, Inc. to be distributed theatrically by Company B, and released on videocassette by Company A.

LARGE-DICKED WONDER ANNOUNCED

Far and wide, the hue and cry is being raised in the name of some character named John Doe A.K.A. "Doe-Boy."[*NOTE, 1996: Who could have known that there WOULD be a 'Jon Dough'? Oy!- Ed.] What with the release of 000 VIDEO'S "HOTSOMETHING WETGIRLS" soon to be upon us, and a December layout in MAGAZINE Z, everyone's ga-ga about the man with the fifteen inch prong. 001 VIDEO, in a move to scoop 000 VIDEO, has located a film called SEXGIRLSOMETHINGHEAT, with Sexstar #1, shot before the redoubtable Mr. Doe-Boy was signed to an exclusive contract with 000/111/222.

PERSONAL NOTES

In other news of minor interest, the latest victims of L.A.'s impossible rent situation (forcing people to share apartments) are Sexstar #1 and Sexstar #2. Their roomates? Each other.

PORN PANEL PROBES SOMETHING OR OTHER

The Blankety Blank Commission on Pornography stopped over in Los Angeles on its floating tour of the lower 48, to examine life among the Spawn-of-Satan Set, and generally listen to why it is that sexuality and its depiction cause hair to grow on the palms, blindness, insanity, and higher interest rates.

Surprisingly, only two representatives of the Industry, per se, bothered to show up: Somebody #1 and William Margold.

FAMOUS PERSON ONCE TOOK OFF HIS/HER CLOTHES

WHATZIS Video has announced the acquisition of a 1971 hard soft-core film starring Somebody-Real-Famous in NIGHTSOMETHING LION, a part Somebody reportedly would like to forget. The brou haha regarding this was quite the item in scandal sheets several years ago. Of course, the film was shot in 1971, and its actual hardcore content may be negligible.

The film is scheduled to hit the shelves in November of 198?, and WHATZIS plans to push it extensively. Jared Rutter calls it "one of the most talked about and least seen of sexflicks."

SOMETHING WADDLES FORTH

Topping this month's news, a new company, SOMETHING PRODUCTIONS, is in full production. SOMETHING is a spin-off of 000 VIDEO with Somebody and Somebody Else running things. First release, 'NAKEDNAKED' did "very well," with 'NUDENUDE' and 'UNCLOTHED' following hot on its heels. Also, SOMETHING just wrapped 'DESHABILLE' -- "a take off on a certain well-known flick" -- which will be out in early March. SOMETHING has picked up two productions shot in France, 'NAUGHTYNAUGHTY' and 'BACKDOOR NAUGHTYNAUGHTY' for spring release, and premiered 'BACKDOORBACK DOOR' at CES in Las Vegas, this January.

HISTORICAL INTEREST

Somebody-You-Never-Heard-Of began with a theater in ANYTOWN U.S.A., and from that humble beginning, our industry was born. This month marks the twenty-fifth anniversary.

It's strange, all things considered to look back on twenty- five years of adult films, a quarter-century. Of course, if the Attorney General has his way, we can all forget those two-and-a- half decades, but 1961 to 1986 is a pretty long haul. Only five years ago, the idea of shooting and selling a film directly on videotape for home viewing was considered science fiction by most knowledgeable observers of the Industry.

CES ROUNDUP

Once more the Industry showcased its charms at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, side by side with Computer Manufacturers and Stereo Turntables. Our reporter files this report:

"Fatiguing. Fun. Interesting. About the same as last year. More energy, more productive than last year. The response was very good. It (CES) 's moved from retail sales, to making con tacts and meeting. Picking up new accounts and getting leads was the order of the day."

SOMETHIN' held its annual party Saturday night: The SWANK SWANK Club, crowded, noisy. Dancers performed pushing SOMETHIN's new movie, "SINHOTSIN", Traci Lords and Seka were the most notable attendees amidst a star-studded field that included the likes of: John Holmes, Erica Boyer, Amber Lynn, Ginger Lynn, Taija Rae, Patti Petite, Bunny Bleu, Nina Hartley, Honey Wilder, Kristara Barrington, Melissa Melendez, John Leslie (with Anthony Spinnelli), Miss Kimberly Carson, Ron Jeremy, Peter North, Dr. Jekyll, Lou Abbott, Digby Diehl, Fidel Castro, Minnie Mouse, Fabian, Ed Koch, Nikita Kruschev, George Bernard Shaw, James T. Kirk, Anthony Stark, Fred C. Dobbs, Anthony and Cleopatra, Solomon, Neil Diamond, Dr. Seuss, John Lennon, Thomas Jefferson, Paul Anka, Wayne County, Castro Street, and Philip K. Dick in a rare appearance.

Briefly spotted: J.D. Salinger, Arthur of Britain, Guy Fawkes, Renee Descartes, Carolus Linnaeus, and Tiny Tim.

Dickens and Thoreau did not attend.

An Obligatory Parody of `Sixty Minutes'

XXX SIGNS PORN PACT

XXX in this case being Xooooo Xoo Xoooooo, but it got your attention didn'tit?

The story just gets stranger. XXX is a distributor, probably owned by some guy named Xooo. Well, XXX just acquired the rights to a film from the new YYY corporation. YYY stands for the Yoooo Yoooo Yoooooooooo -- try saying that with soup in your mouth. And I thought Yoooo Yoooo was a girl. Well, they tell me, she is, and this is her first film. Or at least it's her corporation's first film. Yoooo -- who I always thought was a sweet girl -signed a seven year exclusive deal with YYY, which I suppose means she's owned by herself. What I want to know is how it is that a woman coming to own herself is newsworthy? Didn't women own them- selves before? Or was that Amendment just for show? The women's liberationists may argue that it was, and perhaps they're right. But I wonder what Yoooo Yoooo thinks about all of this?

This is Randy Ooney in Hollywood.

Good Night.

STILL KEY

Shit, anything you want, with the following labels:

1. Someone Famous

2. Sexstar #1

3. A woman naked

4. A naked woman

5. Another naked woman

6. Naked persons

7. Somebody without clothes