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Coming soon: "Kilgore Trout Fishing in America"
"A Tale of Our Generation"
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Notes: This comes to us from circa
1985, and is left intact. Yes, kiddies, I was "Helen Bed," porno
gossip columnist. Not my idea. I always thought it a TERRIBLE idea,
actually, but I inherited the house name, and tried to write it like a
depraved Miss Manners. You will note how well I succeeded at this.
"Whereabouts Unknown" is a precise and accurate description of
my living conditions at the time. Don't snigger. I managed to feed and
clothe myself with my typewriter, after all. This is called "a day in
the life of the working writer." Or, there's no gossip like OLD
gossip. Heck, half the people in this column are dead! Or missing. Or
something. - HW
Hart Williams
312 N. St Andrews Place
Hollywood, CA 90046
Gossip
by "HELENBED"
VIDEO-X 7-?
A gossip's work is never done, so they say, and this
reporter has been up night and day, peeping into the backrooms to bring
you the very best gossip about the naughty little girls and boys of the
Business. A feast of tidbits this month, gentle readers!
***
For those of you who follow this column regularly, a
slight correction. Starlet Nastasha bills herself as Stasha Powers in at
least one upcoming video, "Corporal Cabaret" -- a spanking
video, no less! Well, from all reports, Ms. Powers has lately been
accruing the (somewhat deserved) reputation as being difficult to work
with. According to my sources, even her agent is having difficulty dealing
with her, and while she whines about having "no work," several
sources reportedly tried to hire her, but were having too much difficulty
with her attitude to contemplate working with her.
Former agent William Margold -- who claims Stasha is
his "next Seka" -- has evidently discovered the Platinum
Princess' oft reported ego, without any proof of Ms. Powers' talents.
Perhaps someone should take Ms. P aside and explain to her that Stardom is
earned in any business. When we last heard of Stasha, she had just
finished cancelling a photo session arranged for her by Mr. Margold, with
the suspicious claim of "health problems."
***
The latest word on the Dark Bros.' long-awaited, and
over- hyped "The Dark Bros.' Miss Jones" film is that Georgina
Spelvin will not be appearing in the film. According to a source very
close to the production, several people suggested that Ms. Spelvin at
least appear in cameo. Ms. Spelvin was, according to my source, anxious to
appear in the film, but Greg Dark said, "Nothing doing." While
several parties attempted to prevail upon Mr. Dark to change his mind, all
entreaties fell on deaf ears.
Meanwhile, the film may set some sort of record for
being the most highly touted adult film never to be shot. While production
is set to begin in mid-January, more copy has been generated regarding
this film than any released film of 1985.
The title role will be played by newcomer Kim Wilde,
with various industry stalwarts appearing, including Kristara Bar rington,
Amber Lynn, and Jack Baker, with a 'special' appearance by Vanessa Del
Rio.(7)(2)(3)
***
And then there's Jerry Butler. In the recent
production of Rocky X, a full day of shooting took place in a Watts boxing
gym. Well, macho being what macho is, one of the real boxers chal lenged
Butler's prowess at events athletic, and Butler (who plays the title role)
suggested that the boxer add several pounds to the free weights sitting on
the bench press. The boxer took 280 pounds, snickered, and sat back. Jerry
laid down, and pumped the weights six quick times. The boxer, uh, smiled,
and walked away.(5)
***
And this, from the set of Hotter Chocolate. It seems
that a rather venerable still photographer in the business hasn't bothered
learning that this isn't 1940. Throughout the shoot, my sources tell me,
he offered money to the girls to have sex with him, played with himself,
and made lewd comments throughout. Reportedly, the director considered
having him thrown off the shoot, but no other photographer could be found.
Sahara endeared herself to cast and crew alike with her classy comeback:
"Fuck off you tired old sleazebag!" The photographer was rather
taken aback and complained that Sahara had a "bad attitude."
And in other news regarding Sahara, it seems she just
returned from an extended vacation in France, where, she reported to all
within earshot, the term 'french' really means something, at least as
regards men doing to women.(1)
***
Trouble in paradise? It seems that following the
fiasco at the XRCO party (reported here last issue), Kimberly Carson and
new hubby Dick Howard had something of a major falling out. Seems Miss
Carson was not thrilled with her beau's attentions -- which were directed
at other women there, rather than Ms. Carson.(4)
However, on a cheerier note, Mr. Howard recently
moved into Los Angeles proper to be closer to the various magazines he
works for. This reporter applauds Mr. Howard's dedication to his new
calling as a writer. Of course, there are rumors that Mr. H has not been
exactly setting his editors on fire with the thrill of his copy, but we'll
pass on that for now.
***
Are more wedding bells to be ringing in the near
future? This reporter has learned that Buck Adams (whose performance in
Rocky X is, by all reports, bravura) has been seen making the rounds with
Naughty Nikki Charm. While there is no confirmation that they are an Item,
several sources have speculated that Mr. Adams is quite smitten with Ms.
Charm's charms.(6)
Another note of interest: we learned that Buck used
to be a prizefighter in his younger days, and was very helpful to Jerry
Butler, coaching him in some of the finer points of cinematic boxing.
***
Jack Baker, longtime stalwart of Dark Bros.
productions has been wearing a new hat lately: screenwriter. His Sex Fifth
Ave nue, and other videos, have been well-received, and Jack's tal ents as
a writer are becoming apparent to those of us who have long admired his
acting ability.
Of course, on the set of Hotter Chocolate, the
aforementioned still photographer's razzing of Jack's erectile abilities
did not aid the situation. But, contrary to rumors, Mr. Baker has no
problem getting it up for the cameras.
***
A note of historical interest: the Michael Todd
Cinestage in Chicago, long noted as a burlesque house of great prestige,
is going "legitimate." The last in a long and illustrious line
of exotic dancers to dance on its stage was none other than our own Sheri
St. Claire.
It was, after all, in Chicago at the World's Fair
(circa 1900) that "Little Egypt" first originated the 'fan
dance' that was mother to the stripper, the 'exotic dancer', the
burlesque, and the ecdysiast (a term coined by H.L. Mencken for a stripper
of his acquaintenance) and thence onward to our present-day industry.
***
And finally, rumor has it that Harry Reems,
distraught at a sudden dearth of work, is in a deep depression. Cheer up,
Harry. You've still got the Right Stuff. (8)
***
Until next month, this is Helen Bed, in Hollywood,
wishing that all your dreams be wet ones.
end of article, now it's the ...
STILL KEY
(1) Sahara (need still if we got it, or sub something
like, well, shit, Seka. I dunno. I just write this stuff. I'm not no still
person. We don' need no steels. I don't got to show you no steenking
steels. Heh heh heh. [dialogue courtesy Treasure of Sierra Madre, Warner
Bros.])
(2) Vanessa del Rio -- a "special
appearance" (from Viva Vanessa, VCA)
(3) Kristara Barrington (no idea)
(4) Kim Carson -- Mad at Dick? (with Eric Edwards
from Sexplay, Essex)
(5) Jerry Butler, pumping Iron & stuff (no
fucking idea)
(6) Buck Adams (with Sondra Stillman) Wedding bells?
(from Looking For Mr. Goodsex, ???)
(7) Amber Lynn inked for Dark's Miss Jones (from
Looking for Mr. Goodsex, ???)
(8) Harry Reems -- Depressed? (from WPINK Paradise
Visuals)
No. I don't have the slides anymore. I never did
get the stills back, or I'd reproduce them (tastefully and legally
censored, of course) right here. But the magazines routinely stole stills
as a matter of course. They may still. I don't know.
end
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hy write this stuff? Well,
they did actually pay me for it. Keeping the deadline reliably was the
salient point